Good news on the health front. Josie advised that I see the GP regarding the back pain (cancer in bones) and she prescribed high dose steroids. The effect was immediate! No pain, no nausea, walking better, no fatigue, but slightly sleepless nights. It is really remarkable. It makes me realise how poorly I was before. We just get used to anything. Then we saw the beautiful consultant yesterday. She said I can't stay on the magic pills for long due to side effects so advised some radiotherapy for the back pain. So I'll give that a go.
On Tuesday I went to the Macmillan Horizon Centre for a makeover. There were ten women sitting around the table, each with their own mirror and products, each expensive and free. I was the eldest by approximately 50 years. Nearly all were hairless due to chemo. We had such a good time patting on skin tonic, cleanser, moisturiser, concealer and blusher. I refused the eye makeup as I thought I'd look bizarre. The rest was OK and I did not come out looking like a drag queen. It was such a lovely morning all run by volunteers who were beauticians.
Today Josie and I are going to buy the stuff to make a Christmas cake. Stir-up Sunday is approaching. It is a ritual I need to go through as my mother always did.
Vicky
Steroids are a wonder drug. No wonder the athletes take them. Vicky got 117 points for one tern in Scrabble with the word QUERIES for instance. And we have fast-talking animated discussions all day long. I will question the sleepless nights with the hospice nurse though and see if we can get away with a slightly smaller dose but I love seeing Vicky with her tremendous sparkle back.
I was dreading Christmas but since Vicky and I have started debating minute details of canapes and what to watch on telly I feel more enthusiastic. Lots of things are like that, not so daunting when you break them down. Two out of my four children are on the other side of the world at present which make me feel grateful I didn't stop at two kids.
I told a lady in the swimming pool that I find the endless rain soothing which is true, but I could see she thought I was being contrary. I swam in the sea with a friend on Saturday and it was rough and for a second I got terrified, but then I think a bit of terror is good for us all.
Josie
Wednesday 27 November 2019
Tuesday 19 November 2019
19th November
What with all the kerfuffle over Prince Andrew and his misdemeanours and my addiction to watching The Crown on Netflix, I feel steeped in the machinations of the Royal Family at the moment, having never been that bothered about them before. There seems to be a sort of emotional paralysis in that family. They are smiley and warm when meeting strangers and admired for their staying power and stoicism but underneath, do not seem able to let themselves feel much about anything. Well, that's how it looks as shown on The Crown. It is really gripping to watch.
I have a lot of arrangements at the moment. Luckily I have Josie as my PA who deals with it all, so I do not double book as I am inclined to do. A lot of them are medical things just to keep me intact.
I had a lovely time in Sandy, Beds visiting my dear brother P, who cooked two gravy dinners and brought me morning tea despite being 92. Dear sister J was also there and we all read the funny poems we have written to each other over the years which brother P unearthed when moving to Sandy, Beds from Hertfordshire.
Vicky
Just returned from the choir, Aldi and Matalan's with Vick, and now pleased to be home together with avocado on toast, mince pie and a cup of tea. The fire is on to cover up the deep damp coldness that seeps into our bones. Even my bed at night feels lukewarm, not hot enough. I've been busy this past week with doing acupuncture, extinction rebellion stuff and writing a play with my friend T if I'm not with Vicky.
I've been feeling a bit stronger and more cheerful. I'm not sure why. I got in the sea alone again on Saturday; the rain stopped temporarily and the water was flat and the light was purple. I felt scared as there was no one in sight, but when I got out, a posh gent went and stood and in the water without a wetsuit on. I spoke to him afterwards and he said he couldn't swim so could not have saved my life anyway, but I prefer going in the water if someone else is there.
Josie
I have a lot of arrangements at the moment. Luckily I have Josie as my PA who deals with it all, so I do not double book as I am inclined to do. A lot of them are medical things just to keep me intact.
I had a lovely time in Sandy, Beds visiting my dear brother P, who cooked two gravy dinners and brought me morning tea despite being 92. Dear sister J was also there and we all read the funny poems we have written to each other over the years which brother P unearthed when moving to Sandy, Beds from Hertfordshire.
Vicky
Just returned from the choir, Aldi and Matalan's with Vick, and now pleased to be home together with avocado on toast, mince pie and a cup of tea. The fire is on to cover up the deep damp coldness that seeps into our bones. Even my bed at night feels lukewarm, not hot enough. I've been busy this past week with doing acupuncture, extinction rebellion stuff and writing a play with my friend T if I'm not with Vicky.
I've been feeling a bit stronger and more cheerful. I'm not sure why. I got in the sea alone again on Saturday; the rain stopped temporarily and the water was flat and the light was purple. I felt scared as there was no one in sight, but when I got out, a posh gent went and stood and in the water without a wetsuit on. I spoke to him afterwards and he said he couldn't swim so could not have saved my life anyway, but I prefer going in the water if someone else is there.
Josie
Wednesday 13 November 2019
13 th November
I have taken to going to bed at around 8 pm and getting up at 6 am. This feels deeply right to me at this time of year. The velvety dark is a comfort in the evenings. Looking after oneself is a full-time profession, and getting enough sleep is helpful. Vicky and I are carrying on our routines but I hope I don't encourage her to do too much and she would be happier being more house/bedbound. We do talk about it a lot. She has always taught me how to live well.
I did swim in the sea last Saturday morning and it did make me feel happy. I was alone but the snobby Brighton Swimmers Club were a few metres away. I was in a wet suit but most of them weren't. I waved cheerfully but they did not wave back. They once told me there was a waiting list of over 100 people waiting to join their club. The sea was flat as a pond, and I saw some unusual birds. It definitely made me feel alive and better, so I hope to carry on.
Today we are going to do Vick's cupboards, and see the dentist. Tomorrow we will read Jane Austen. I love her long complicated sentences and her focus on the tiny slights and annoyances in life, that we are all so sensitive to but rarely discuss in detail.
I do appreciate David Attenborough's new series but it is causing me huge grief due to the effects of climate change. Nature is not all primroses and otters. Nature is brutal and frightening at times. Some people hate the music but I don't mind it.
Josie
I am an optimist, which is annoying for some people I know. I tend to always think that everything is all right really. Just lately though, I have been a bit downhearted, as I don't like living with such uncertainty. Sometimes I just feel like crawling into a hole.
Do I plant the tulip bulbs? Do I buy some new shoes? Hardly worth it surely. Anyway, a dear friend J came round and did the pots for the Spring, and I had an old tatty chair recovered which now looks splendid.
I'm going to stay with brother P in his new home in Sandy, Bedfordshire, tomorrow. I'm going on the train. He has just moved house aged ninety-two and a half and there's optimism for you.
Vicky
I did swim in the sea last Saturday morning and it did make me feel happy. I was alone but the snobby Brighton Swimmers Club were a few metres away. I was in a wet suit but most of them weren't. I waved cheerfully but they did not wave back. They once told me there was a waiting list of over 100 people waiting to join their club. The sea was flat as a pond, and I saw some unusual birds. It definitely made me feel alive and better, so I hope to carry on.
Today we are going to do Vick's cupboards, and see the dentist. Tomorrow we will read Jane Austen. I love her long complicated sentences and her focus on the tiny slights and annoyances in life, that we are all so sensitive to but rarely discuss in detail.
I do appreciate David Attenborough's new series but it is causing me huge grief due to the effects of climate change. Nature is not all primroses and otters. Nature is brutal and frightening at times. Some people hate the music but I don't mind it.
Josie
I am an optimist, which is annoying for some people I know. I tend to always think that everything is all right really. Just lately though, I have been a bit downhearted, as I don't like living with such uncertainty. Sometimes I just feel like crawling into a hole.
Do I plant the tulip bulbs? Do I buy some new shoes? Hardly worth it surely. Anyway, a dear friend J came round and did the pots for the Spring, and I had an old tatty chair recovered which now looks splendid.
I'm going to stay with brother P in his new home in Sandy, Bedfordshire, tomorrow. I'm going on the train. He has just moved house aged ninety-two and a half and there's optimism for you.
Vicky
Wednesday 6 November 2019
5th November
It is fireworks day. I am a real old Scrouge about fireworks. They frighten dogs and cats and horses and they are a wicked waste of money in my view. It is particularly nasty in Lewes where they burn effigies of real people and throw bangers in the street. Whereas our Halloween bonfire in Plumpton was lovely. Just a few pumpkins and candles, and no bangs at all.
It is 200 years since Keats wrote "Ode to Autumn" after a walk in the watermeadows in Winchester. I was reading from a book of Keats' letters and realised he was in Winchester for quite a while. He was staying in College Street where I used to live. He died two years later in 1821. I found the letters written so near the end of his life very heart-rending as he was only 25 and he should have had so much ahead of him. Jane Austen died two years earlier, also in Winchester, but I'm not sure if there was any connection between them. At least I have lived to a ripe old age, but knowing that one's days are numbered is a sobering thought.
Josie, Rachel and I have been reading "Persuasion" aloud to each other on Thursdays but maybe I have told you that already.
Vicky
I'm trying to make the mundane sacred, inspired by a short meditation I heard recently. I've always known that enjoying the small details is the secret to a happy life but lately I'd rather forgotten how to feel it. Talking of which I've just scoffed two and a half buttery crumpets and several cups of tea while dusk falls outside.
One of my daily pleasures is swimming early in the morning. I see the same people on most days but we do not speak. I know them and I don't know them. It is terrible if we bump into each other by accident. I stay in the water for exactly half an hour. The hot shower afterwards is bliss, like the hot coffee after our choir.
I read about minor royals like Princess Beatrice in Hello magazine yesterday when I took Vicky to the hospital for her blood test. The time passed in a flash.
I'm writing about Vicky and my time together in more detail in another diary, which makes me question what I say and don't say on this blog. It's actually quite hard to write this blog, without upsetting anyone, but not wanting to appear too bland. I still think it is a good idea for updates about Vicky's health, but am open to suggestions if more details are needed.
Josie
It is 200 years since Keats wrote "Ode to Autumn" after a walk in the watermeadows in Winchester. I was reading from a book of Keats' letters and realised he was in Winchester for quite a while. He was staying in College Street where I used to live. He died two years later in 1821. I found the letters written so near the end of his life very heart-rending as he was only 25 and he should have had so much ahead of him. Jane Austen died two years earlier, also in Winchester, but I'm not sure if there was any connection between them. At least I have lived to a ripe old age, but knowing that one's days are numbered is a sobering thought.
Josie, Rachel and I have been reading "Persuasion" aloud to each other on Thursdays but maybe I have told you that already.
Vicky
I'm trying to make the mundane sacred, inspired by a short meditation I heard recently. I've always known that enjoying the small details is the secret to a happy life but lately I'd rather forgotten how to feel it. Talking of which I've just scoffed two and a half buttery crumpets and several cups of tea while dusk falls outside.
One of my daily pleasures is swimming early in the morning. I see the same people on most days but we do not speak. I know them and I don't know them. It is terrible if we bump into each other by accident. I stay in the water for exactly half an hour. The hot shower afterwards is bliss, like the hot coffee after our choir.
I read about minor royals like Princess Beatrice in Hello magazine yesterday when I took Vicky to the hospital for her blood test. The time passed in a flash.
I'm writing about Vicky and my time together in more detail in another diary, which makes me question what I say and don't say on this blog. It's actually quite hard to write this blog, without upsetting anyone, but not wanting to appear too bland. I still think it is a good idea for updates about Vicky's health, but am open to suggestions if more details are needed.
Josie
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