I sat with Vicky holding her hand for much of the evening last night as her breathing had changed and she looked closer to the end. About 11 pm I fell asleep, listening to her breath, and the window was open with the cool breeze blowing over our faces.
The night nurses gently woke me just before 2 am and said she had just gone. I sat with her for a while and played Lark Ascending on her iPad.
Then I carefully folded and packed up everything in her room. I gave the nurses her new John Lewis nightie to put on, and all the fantastic cards and poems people have sent will stay with her. I also left her pale blue blanket and a tasteful material garland of yellow flowers around her that someone must have given her for a present.
I drove home in the deserted streets over the misty beacon and it is nice to be sitting at my kitchen table as I haven't been here for a week.
Vicky will go to Arka, a lovely funeral director in Brighton run by two women. I will phone them in the morning, and discuss everything, and try to keep everyone in the loop.
Thanks for reading this, and sending lovely messages. I feel surrounded by support.
This is a poem I wrote for Vicky for her last birthday.
My mum is a grapefruit
A splash of flavour.
She makes me feel better.
My mum is an amber necklace
Robust and resilient
With a story to tell.
My mum is a squirrel
Sharp and so deft
Alert and able to think
My mum is a fleecy blanket
Smiling and clean
Cosy and warm.
My mum is my moon and sun
Always there in my universe.
Josie
Oh Josie! What an amazing experience you and your mum have had. I didn't know her, but it seems as though she had a good life and a good death. How lucky is she to have had you beside her too.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can now grieve and rest, and focus on yourself more in the coming days. Love, Jenny xx
Sending lots of love to you and your mum Josie. She will be enjoying the beautiful view from above. Love Rose and Bluebell xxx
ReplyDeleteDear Josie so much love to you, big enormous universe arms around you and Vicky and your family bringing starry warmth, blossom and connection. Vicky brought such great smiles and bouncy ness to the world. I spent some time with her when I lived at the friends meeting house for a short time when I was 15. Such a fab upbeat lady full of kindness Thinking of you and imagining how this must be now and sending you loads of love for the wonderful woman you are. love you Josie xx Poppy xx
ReplyDeleteHow lucky you were to have each other in your lives! Your mum will always be part of you Josie, and part of all of us who knew her. We'll carry her forward. Take care of yourself now sweetheart. Thank you for sharing the love. x
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you Josie. The poem is SO 'Vicky', clever you. Holding you in the Light Jan x x x x
ReplyDeletemuch love xxx
ReplyDeleteDearest Josie. I am grateful that you opened up this space for us to be with you and Vicky. I only met your mum a few times but I can still picture her warmth, lovely smile and kindness. I always thought what a lovely bond you two share. I am glad you were there for her through this unprecedented times. peace, and solidarity to you and your family. Phillip and I are thinking of you and sending you lots of love xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Jose, I'm so so sorry for your loss and the pain you must be feeling right now!! It sounds like she had a peaceful ending and thank god you were with her! If you want a chat just send me a WhatsApp and I'll call you straight back. Loads and loads of love to you and all your darlings! Cat xxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteThe light was so very apparent in Vicky: from the first time we met her we could feel the warmth and love in her, and she was so kind and generous to us. She was blessed with wonderful children and grandchildren who obviously adored her every bit us much as she adored them. There's a corner of our hearts she will always occupy. Love your poem, really brings her to us. Love to you all, Nick & Karis xxx
ReplyDeleteHuge thanks for the lovely comments everyone xx
ReplyDeleteA beautiful poem for your wonderful Mum....thanks so much for your generosity in sharing the last part of Vicky's life.I've been rereading "travelling hopefully" and "Living adventurously".Her joy and humour will continue to sustain me. lots of love,
ReplyDeleteJulia
That's lovely to hear Julia. Love from Josie
DeleteYou gave her a wonderful ending Josie. I feel so sad that you must suffer her loss but glad that the boat she had waited for so patiently, to take her across the calm water to the island filled with smiling and welcoming people and animals she loved and missed, arrived for her yesterday, as she had hoped. What an enormous absence she leaves. I love your poem. Whenever I see a grapefruit I'm going to think of Vicky and how she made us feel better. Sending you and your family lots of love, Fiona
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DeleteMuch love to you Josie. You knew she was going but there is still no preparing for being without her. I remember how you sat with Mike when he knew he had only weeks left and held his hand as a friend & a hospice nurse. It meant so much to him and me.I just wanted to remind you of all the good you do and have done. Vicki was lucky to have you: you were lucky to have her. Bridget
ReplyDeleteThanks for your lovely message Bridget xx
Deletedear Josie... we are both thinking of you. So sorry but sounds amazing you were there at the end. Lovely poem. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you xx
DeleteWe are so sorry for you in your loss, but feel hugely privileged to have followed Vicky in her last days and weeks. Our daughter Miriam remembers Vicky from her playgroup days at the Meeting House in Winchester. With very best wishes to you all at this difficult time. Sara and Nic Wright
ReplyDeleteI remember sweet Miriam. Lovely to hear from you xx
DeleteHello Josie, I don't offer look at Facebook but so glad I have today to read your account of Vicky's last evening and your poem about her, both so beautifully written. I can hear your voice saying the words. Lots of love to you. Cathy. Xxx
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