1st April

Vicky has not woken up or taken any sips today.  I wonder if she can hear music playing or sniff the lavender oil I sprinkle about the place.  She looks very sweet and serene and I can sense the nurses and carers are genuinely fond of her.  They are attentive to all the details and kind to me.  One young carer told me she read Vicky all the poems sent to her last week, and for some reason it made me weep.  She doesn't normally read any poems she said.
When the night nurses were doing the last turn of the night this morning at 6 am I slipped outside the French windows for the first time since Saturday. I solemnly agreed I would not leave the room due to COVID 19 when I arrived, but there was no one about at all and frost on the fields and exciting first light.  I quickly ran around the small woodland nearby which is carpeted with white wood anemones and I felt like a startled deer in a shopping mall.  I was only gone for five minutes but it was amazing to leave the room and get out of breath.  I even saw cold looking lambs standing nearby with their mothers.  
What is it about birds?  I am getting more and more obsessed with watching them.  A male and three female pheasants pecked about outside the window today.  The male looked like he was in fancy dress.  Birdwatching is definitely an interest that grows with age.  Their spindly legs and fast-beating hearts remind me how fragile everything is.  I feel they are going through this experience with me.
Josie