28th February

I have just returned from the hospice.  The NHS funding has been agreed and Vicky has said she would prefer to stay at the hospice for end of life care.  At first, I felt sad and disappointed, as I was a great fan of home births and home deaths.  When I was the team leader for the hospice at home service in Brighton I witnessed some peaceful home deaths in Penthouses overlooking the sea and council houses where no one could read or write.  I believed in de medicalising both birth and death and found my own two home births empowering.
However, Vicky has other views and I must respect her wishes.  Again, I need to let go. She feels safe and settled in the hospice, and despite needing all care, remains cheerful and gracious.  She knows lots of the nurses' life stories and doesn't want to risk going home where the package of care may not be so good.  In fact, she told me to write;

Vicky is overwhelmed by the kindness of the staff as nothing is too much trouble.  She can even order tasty Eggs Benedict.
She is too weak to respond to individual emails and cards but would like to say a huge thank you.  Where did you find such inspiring cards?  She loves them.

She says short visits are welcome.  The hospice is hard to get to on public transport, but once you are there it is very pleasant. I have been ordering hot lunches for the past two days for a small price, and it is lovely to eat cheesy chips with Vicky whilst listening to Mel C on Desert Island Discs this morning for instance.  I tend to go every day apart from Mondays, although tomorrow I am taking Tiger to see An Inspector Calls at the theatre as she is doing it for GCSE.  I never go to the theatre; I much prefer films normally.
Josie